I know that Paul says all that stuff about being content in every circumstance, and I’m okay with that.  My circumstances are generally acceptable.

Paul also says, though, in other places and in other ways, things about pressing on and striving and travailing and beseeching (at least in the KJV language) and those aren’t very contented words.

So, I’ve tried to figure out how to be content and not be content at the same time.  Along the way, I’ve realized that whether I can figure it out or not, I’m already doing it.  I am a highly contented malcontent.  You might say that I’m contently discontented, if those are real words and if they can be used like that.

I’m generally content with what we’ve got, the way we live, and the circumstances, realizing that any or all of that is subject to change without notice, and I’m always willing to accept more but seldom willing to passionately pursue it.  I’m crabby, though, in several ways, and I’m generally driven to poke and prod at all of the boundaries I see, both self-imposed and world-imposed.  In that way, I’m generally discontented.

Somehow these can be reconciled, can’t they?  This is good, right?

My friend, KJ, tells me that I write about this often.  I guess he’s right, but I think it’s been longer than that, so I feel justified that it’s high time to hit this topic again.

Can I get a witness up in here, please?

I want more – not more stuff, just more life, more Jesus, more beauty, more assurance that I’m not wasting my time.  Precious time.

The problem is that I’m dying.  I’ll be 42 in no time flat, and that’s just plain scary.  I think that death makes us nervous like long-tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs.  We’re rushing toward this uncertain deadline and fairly sure that we haven’t finished the prep for it.  We haven’t done enough, or seen enough, or been to enough places.

I’m running out of time.  Time is precious.  That makes me a malcontent, I guess.

How do you feel about it?

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “malcontent

  1. How do I feel? Hmmmm. Tired for one. That tired feeling that life is winning (and not the fun parts). Somehow I think that if I try harder I will feel better. You know…pray more, longer, better? Sing louder…worship bigger. But I don’t think that’s the answer. Peace. Peace is the answer. Not sure what that is, but I wonder if tuning out and turning off all the noise will help me hear His reassuring voice. All the prayer and worship I can muster can’t overcome the noise of this world.

    The big problem is that as the tiredness grows, the doubt creeps in. I hear the voice telling me louder and louder each day: ‘It’s not real, God doesn’t care, Go do what you want.’ I think the only thing that will tune out that voice is PEACE.

    Thanks for the thoughts, Dale. I’m going to go sit quietly for a while. Somehow I think God will be there, too.

  2. It’s tough. I feel sometimes that I wanna be super involved in God, the bible, life, and analyzing every situation and see where God is in it. But sometimes that stresses me out. I also feel that when I am so involved then I am not really content because I am analyzing, praying, and wanting more. Then I also feel that sometimes I get super content because it’s all in Gods hands and there is somethings I just can’t do much about because it’s Gods timing. But sometimes I think I get TOO content and it turns into laziness. I am struggling with that I pray and pray for things and no matter what God is in control, so i’ll just live day to day as it comes to me, because I feel like I just ask God the same things over and over, so I am just gonna let Him do whatever…but then I drift away from him and my contentness become laziness. It is hard to be content but still be involved. But honestly I have learned so much about life and being content from you Dale and looking back on a lot of our bible studies, they make a lot of sense.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s